Mindfulness – Chasing Orgasm

In my last entry I discussed the power of the simple practice of Breathe, Notice, and Allow. It applies in so many ways, and one way has to do with sexual expression. Most of us have learned a kind of goal-directed approach to sex and orgasm. For us men, we learn that sex is sport. Get it up, get it in, and get it off. Then you can impress your buddies in the locker room when they ask, “Did you score?” “Did you get some?” And for women, there is also a tendency to go for the “O.” I have noticed that a woman’s response, often, when she begins to ride the rising tide of arousal, is to shorten her breath and become tense. Women have told me that at these times they are intensely focusing upon the “goal line” of orgasm. Chasing the orgasm. And they are often successful, which in the world of classic behaviorism, provides the powerful intermittent reward that reinforces the behavior.

This kind of orgasm can be powerful, and it often involves a lot of clitoral stimulation. For most women, after a clitoral orgasm, they are kind of like us men. Don’t touch me there for a while. So, the prospect of multiple orgasms is off the table. So here is where the practice of Breathe, Notice, and Allow comes in. Sexual response is affected by how we breathe. Full, deep breaths move energy through our bodies, as opposed to the rapid, shallow breathing when chasing orgasm. The more fully we breathe, without exaggerating to the point of hyperventilation, of course, the more energy we move. And we expand our ability to move more energy as we continue the practice. Allowing ourselves to make sound during arousal also increases the energy. It helps to have tolerant and understanding neighbors.

As the tide of sexual energy rises, Breathe deeply and Notice the energy move through your body and maybe even beyond your body. Notice the energy moving between you and your partner. Breathe together. Breathe deeply and Allow whatever sensations that appear to just be as they are, and to move and flow with every breath. The foundation of mindfulness – Breathe, Notice, and Allow, is also the foundation of expanded sexual energy and expression. Multiple orgasms happen not because we are chasing them, but because we are surrendering to the energy, and orgasm just happens along the way. Also happening along the way may be a visitation from the Goddess in the form of Amrita. Another topic for another time.