San Diego Marriage Counselor Dr. Richard Jordan

Couples Counseling – A Spiritual Approach to Personal Transformation and Relationship Healing

The following is a discussion by San Diego relationship counselor Dr. Jordan on his individual therapy and couples counseling approach.

“My individual therapy approach has evolved over time and continues to evolve. It reflects the many gifts of wisdom and training from my teachers. I combine Spiritual and philosophical influences, including Greek mythology, Buddhist teachings, Sufi influences, and wisdom from Western Christian traditions. Of course, the traditional tools of psychology are important. The approaches I typically employ include cognitive behavioral, psychodynamic, Jungian, Gestalt and other humanistic approaches, and transpersonal approaches.

There is no single counseling approach that works for all situations. It is important to “meet people where they are” and honor each person’s place along the path. I often rely upon my intuition to guide me as to which approach to employ in the moment.

You might consider that there are three basic levels of the work. If someone is in crisis and perhaps considering suicide, a very direct approach is called for. We muster whatever resources are required to keep them safe. I give direct and specific instructions. Then some people are in need of a less direct, more supportive coaching approach. Problem solving and cognitive/behavioral change become the focus. Finally, there are those who use the counseling experience as a path of soul evolution. This work requires an even less direct, more inviting approach. At this level of the work, it is much more honoring to invite out someone’s inner wisdom than to presume that I have their answers. My role here is as a guide, a partner in wondering.

The process begins with awareness – noticing and wondering. Once you become aware of what is, the next phase is to focus upon how you are with it. That is, am I resisting or judging; am I attached to a certain outcome? One of my teachers says, “It’s not the issue that’s the issue, it’s how you are with the issue that’s the issue.” When it comes to healing and evolution of the psyche and soul, acceptance and non-judgment move us forward. Judgment keeps us stuck.

Another important element often has to do with intention or vision. You may spend lots of energy trying to change things you don’t like, trying to move away from ways of being that aren’t working. But the secret to getting what you really want is to have a clear vision of what that is, and move toward it.

Once you achieve clear awareness and clear vision, you also become clear as to any inner or outer actions that may be needed. An example of inner action is the act of self-forgiveness.

Benefits of couples counseling with Dr. Jordan

In working with you in couples counseling, I offer invitations, suggestions, encouragement, and celebration. My approach to couples counseling is summarized in my book, Relationship School. The basic idea is that our relationships present us with a wealth of opportunity to learn and grow. Our closest relationships are catalysts that give us opportunities to clear whatever might be stopping us from our free and full expression. The two guiding principles that point us toward thriving relationships are Truth and Full Responsibility. Please see the book for more.

The big questions in life do not seem to get “figured out” by our minds. The big questions are there for us to live in wonder of, in each moment. Much of real success in life depends on how well we answer the following big question:

What’s the most loving, compassionate way I can be in this moment, both with myself and with whomever I am relating?”

To arrange for individual or couples counseling, workshops, or speaking engagements, you may contact Dr. Jordan in San Diego at: or by phone (619) 415-6493.